Memories of Bill

Ah, the name Bill. It still brings tears to my eyes. I have definately fallen in love with John and wouldn't trade him, but Bill was something special. It was my senior year of high school. The first day of school I spotted him. There was something about him that just took my breath away every time I saw him. The thing was, he was only a freshman. I later found out just how much younger he was than me, 2 years, 6 months, 13 days. Not so bad now, big difference in high school, especially when the girl is older. Bill didn't look like a freshman. A few weeks went by and I would catch a glimpse of him here and there. He always had his black leather bag that he used to carry his books. I can still remember the smell of that bag. I remember the day we first spoke. We were in the hallway near the office. We should have both been in class. We started talking and exchanged phone numbers. I was having high blood sugars that day so I went in to see the nurse. My hands were sweating and shaking and I could hear my heart beating. No boy had ever caused that much of a reaction in me. My parents came to school to pick me up since my blood sugar was high. I went home and hoped he would call me when he got home. He couldn't have been home long when the phone rang. I found out the one thing I didn't want to hear. He had a girlfriend, but she didn't go to our school. We talked for hours though and laughed a lot. Then his call waiting beeped. Hold on. So, he comes back on and tells me it is his girlfriend and he has to go. So we say good bye. I lay down on my bed and feel so many mixed emotions. I felt so good about talking to him and so down about him having a girlfriend. Half an hour passed and the phone rang again. Bill again. He broke up with his girlfriend. He said he felt things when he talked to me that he never felt with her. At that point Bill and I became inseparable. (or so we thought) Every moment we could we were together. If we couldn't be together we were on the phone. If we couldn't be on the phone we were thinking about when we could be together or at least speak again. When I was with Bill, there was nothing wrong in the world. Bill and I were always laughing. I remember the time we went to Giant Eagle with my mother. She was shopping for groceries and we were being silly as usual. It was near St. Patrick's Day. We found the green novelty items on display in the store. Yes, 2 green beanies with propellers on top, a green bow tie for Bill and a green garter for me. We adorned ourselves with these in the store and snuck up on my mother. She bought the green stuff. We wore it all to school the next day. I have so many memories of Bill. So many memories of him being here, where I live now, visiting my grandparents. I have so many memories of him being at my parents house. I have a few memories of being at his house, the gray one on the corner of Wine Street. We didn't go to his house often. His mother was a beautiful thing, but sometimes she got mad. When she got mad the Arabic would fly. Bill used to say, "I love you, my sweet." to me in Arabic. I still remember it. Bill had two brothers. Tony was a few years younger than Bill and Alan was a baby. I think he was two. Alan called Bill, Bobo. I remember sitting on the floor, watching tv in Bill and Tony's room when little Alan would come running through in his little blue footie pj's. Then he would climb on us and give us hugs and kisses before Vicky put him to bed. Then one day, out of the blue, Bill was not home when I called. Vicky said he was at Jeff's house. OK. He usually told me when he was going over to a friend's so I could do what I wanted until he came back. He didn't come home until late. The phone finally rang. (Now is when the tears still start to come.) His mother found one of our little notes. We often joked in a note about "sex on top the lockers". It was actually a reference to something someone once said. We found it completely funny because the tops of the lockers were extremely sloped. If anyone even attempted that they were most likely going to cause great bodily harm to themselves. We were not having a sexual relationship. We had made the decision to wait until we were both older. I had also just had my eighteenth birthday. His mother was forbidding him to even speak to me again. She did not even want us to be able to say good bye face to face. He was strictly forbidden any further contact with me. He was not allowed to do anything at all except go to school and she had an answer for keeping us apart at school too. She paid kids to spy on us to be sure we were not talking at school. My heart was breaking. The dreams Bill and I had of one day getting married and building a house on top of the hill behind my parents house were crushed. The house we planned was so vividly created by us that I can still picture what it would have been like. Both of us longed for the chance to at least say good bye. So through friends that we trusted to not be in on his mother's scheme we set a plan. Meet in the gymnasium under the bleachers during fifth period the next day. I put on my new blue and white striped skirt that morning. I wanted to look nice to see him that one last time. When I sneaked into the gymnasium, he was already there. We gave each other back the things we had. Then we embraced and cried. We missed the entire period. We stayed hidden under the bleachers, holding each other, clinging to the last moments we had. The bell rang for the next period. It was time to go our separate ways. Bill walked away into the hallway and into the flood of kids coming out of classrooms. I stood there, crying. From then on we would catch each other's glance in the hallway, in the cafeteria, outside the school but could only look at each other. The pain showed on his face and I know it showed on mine. I vomited for three days. I couldn't sleep. I lost weight. My Bobo was gone. That's when I gave up. I just simply did not care any more. I would become very promiscuous because every ounce of my love had been crushed. Oh, how I hated Vicky! Can't say she is one of my favorite people to this day. Years later as I was getting off work late one night at Eat 'n Park I saw Tony in the lobby. We started talking and then we went to my car. Sitting in the darkness at midnight Tony told me things. Things about that break up. Tony told me that Vicky had other motives for breaking us up. I was not the one she wanted her son to marry. Tony told me that Bill had loved me very much. Then Tony told me the thing that still brings tears to my eyes. He said that even Bill wasn't aware of it, but since he shared a room with Bill he saw it. While Bill slept he cried and called my name. Tears would fall from his eyes even as he was sound asleep. It went on for months. Tony had been angry all these years about what his mother had done. Well, that probably made at least three of us. A few years later I was saw Bill in Giant Eagle. I was looking at something on a shelf and felt someone standing behind me. They were looking at the same thing I was and were standing behind me and to the side. I turned around and got the shock of my life. The person behind me was Bill. Next to him was his wife. My hands immediately started to tremble. Bill introduced me and his wife. She seemed nice enough. My hands trembled for at least an hour afterwards though. Now Bill lives in Italy with his wife. I haven't seen Tony since that night in the car. It wasn't until I met John that I got over Bill enough to say I wouldn't have walked away from anyone if Bill came back. John is the only man that I have ever loved more than Bill. John is the only one I would have ever chosen over Bill. John knows the whole story of Bill. He thinks it is incredibly sad. John and I ran into Vicky recently. She introduced me to her co-workers as one of her son, Bill's, old friends from high school. John spoke up and said, "She was his girlfriend in high school." Vicky was telling them how we "hung out" together. John told me later it was like she was ashamed to say that we were more than friends back then. So he decided to say something.