Sex and candy

Here we go with the part of my life I don't remember very well, life after Bill. There are parts that I remember quite clearly and parts that I know I just can't remember. High school was over. I started hanging out a lot with Reine. Reine and I went out together and picked up boys. She was never far away during these years. I loved her to pieces and still do. We had met back in that Christian school and had kept loose contact during high school. Reine was attending a Christian college and it was very strict. I think her rebellion was tied into that. My rebellion came from just not caring about anything anymore. Diabetes was a pain in the ass. I hated having it. I hated being different. I never tested. I lied about it. I ate whatever I wanted when my parents weren't looking. I sometimes didn't take my shot. I dreaded every single poke. I simply pretended it wasn't there. By now I had twice been forbidden to see a certain boy that I cared about. The first was Don. My parents forbid me to see him because they found out we were having sex. It hurt some, but Don and I were ready to move on, I think. I would have preferred to still speak to him though. And, well you know the story of Bill. Eating sugar and having sex appeared to be the two worst things I could do in the eyes of the adults around me. So, pass the donuts and where did you say you parked the car? During this period of time there were a string of boys that I had sex with. To be honest, I don't remember most of them. I was reminded of one that I had completely forgotten about a few years back. I read his name in the newspaper. He had been driving under the influence and was involved in an accident and his wife was killed. I had forgotten that I had even met him until then. Lots of "don't remembers" during these years. There were some boys that I remember quite clearly. Some I remember just because I do. Some I don't think of often but I could recall them if I tried. Some I remember because they mattered more to me. One young man in particular stands out in my memory. I wasn't in love with him, but I did like him a whole lot. He was my boyfriend for awhile, but my friend for quite a while longer. Lou (which is not what he goes by now) is not one of the ones I wish I could erase. I ran into him recently and we talked and had a few laughs. He's still a nice guy and I'm sure his wife is lucky to have him. (most of the time) Lou was a huge KISS fan. Lou had Christmas lights on the ceiling of his bedroom. Lou's mother didn't like me. I remember Lou's VW Rabbit that ran on deisel. He drove it through the woods, darting around trees, up to the water tower. It was nice sitting up at the water tower talking to Lou. Lou liked to tell me spooky stories and Lou took me to "The Gates of Hell". Lou and I had quite a sexual relationship. It carried on occassionally after we broke up. After sex we ate like hogs. That was not good for my blood sugar. Lou was the first person with which I went to a motel. Lou also was with me during some pretty bad diabetes related times. Once he thought I was dead. My blood sugar was high and I started to vomit while on a date with him. He took me to the hospital and called my mother. He stayed with me in the emergency room. He actually thought I died in the ER that day. He thought he was going to have to tell my mother that I died while out on a date with him. I was then admitted to the Intensive Care Unit. Lou never missed visiting me for a day. Only family was allowed in but he managed to get the nurses to let him in. One day he brought his friend Rick to see me. Some days he would hold me on the chair in my room. When he decided it was time for him to break up with me I was sad, but I still liked him. I am pretty sure he still liked me. We often spent time together as friends after that. When I recently encountered him at a Christian rock concert he told me that he doesn't allow his daughter to wear eyeliner. That is one of the funniest things I have ever heard considering he was the king of wearing eyeliner. You had to hide your eyeliner if you didn't want him to take it. He does have a very lovely family and I'm sure his wife must be wonderful and very patient! But he was a nice young man and I am sure he is still a nice man and I'm sure a good husband and father. It was nice to see him again. (but there were no sparks of the old romantic kind at all)

Well, right now I have to stop writing. I have a lot of things to do today. This period may take several postings to get through. It's a mixed bag. Some good memories are in there along with some bad and some that I just can't remember. There are some things that I remember quite clearly that I am not going to write. Those things could potentially cause problems in the lives of other people involved if members of thier family found this blog.