Does he know?

I wonder sometimes if John knows just how much he means to me. I tell him I love him all the time, but does he really know? Does he know that the minute he walks out the door I start to miss him? Does he know that even if he says nothing it is not as still and quiet as when he is not here? Does he know that sometimes I go back and lay in our bed after he leaves, just so I can smell his scent on his pillow? Does he know that I look at his artwork and am amazed by his ability? Does he know that I trust his judgement more than my own? Does he know that I would do anything to see his smile? Does he know that I worry that he will become tired of me and walk out of my life? Does he know that I love to fall asleep while listening to his heartbeat? Does he know that I love to look at his hands? Does he know how many times a day I think about his kiss? Does he know that when it is time for him to be home I am watching out the window? Does he know how hard it is for me not to run out the kitchen door and jump up and down when I see his truck coming? Am I pathetic for loving him this much? Every other couple we know seems to always argue. Everyone told us to "just wait until you've been married over a year. You will welcome time apart." Well, this December is five years. I still hate every minute apart. Maybe we aren't normal. I really don't care. If that is normal, I don't want it. Maybe it is because we spent so much time apart before we were married. Maybe it has made us value our time together more. I remember the truly physical ache of not being able to touch. Talking for hours on the internet and just wanting to be able to hold his hand or get a hug. In 2 years of talking to each other we spent a total of 3 weeks together before we got married. I remember the first time I slept with him. I was very tired. It had been a very long day. I laid there awake while I listened to the beat of his heart. I took in the scent of him. I wanted to be in that moment forever. I had waited so long for that moment. Did he feel my tears of joy on his chest? I don't know. I feel like he was meant to be mine long before either of us was ever born. Is that crazy? Well, I think I'll go get back in bed now and smell his pillow!