Change, my feelings, my love, my life.

Yesterday, when I went to sign in to do my blog, I got the message that I would have to move my blog account to the Google account. I could only skip this process once. So I decided to do it. Why do they have to screw with everything? I liked it just fine the way it was. All these "things" that are supposed to be the improvements I could care less about. You know every time they change things they don't work the way they are supposed to. It took me three tries to log on here this morning. I hope when I am forced to move my ezboard to the dreaded Yuku it goes better. So far it hasn't been forced on me, for which I am glad. Yuku, or "yucky" as we like to call it, is way too much like MySpace. I really don't like MySpace. I'm not into those "networking" sites. I really have enough friends and I am not looking for somebody "hot". I'm a perfectly content housewife. I love my lifestyle, which does not include a lot of money or partying. I prefer a quiet lunch with a girlfriend or a picnic with all my buddies. I'm not into "clubs" or booze. I enjoy being with my family most and am madly and passionately in love with my husband! I live on 70 acres and don't have any close neighbors to be nosey.....and that is how I like it. I know I am probably in the minority with not liking those kind of places, but that is just who I am. I can be outgoing, but I can be shy. I often base my actions on how I feel and what I sense. I longed to be loved for a long time, but resolved myself to be dedicated to my daughters and not worry about the love of a man. The love of my daughters is strong and I feel it every day. I did miss the companionship of a man. I longed for it, but felt it was not an option for me. I did not think there was a man alive that could handle the special needs of my family. I knew that any man that was bold enough to get involved with me had to have some very special qualities and had to be a very strong person. All this and he had to be kind, compassionate and understanding too. Then came the day I realized I needed a man here for his physical strength too. Amanda was getting to hard to handle alone. I clearly remember the night I knelt on my living room floor and prayed. I think I cried the whole way through. I asked for someone that could meet the needs of my special family. The companionship for myself was secondary and physical attraction was at the bottom of the list. I remember telling God I didn't care what he looked like if he loved my children and could withstand the high pressures of my family life. I would love him with all my heart even if I did not find him attractive at all. The very next day I got one of those email "surveys" from John. We had been very casually chatting online for awhile, but I didn't consider him boyfriend material. For one thing he lived in another country and across an ocean. I did feel comfortable talking to him about just about anything. One question on the survey was "Would you ever consider an online romance?" His answer was, "I would and there is someone that I wish would also consider it." I started to wonder if the someone was me. We spent at least an hour a day on IM, even with the time difference of five hours. I knew he talked to some other women, but I also knew he didn't talk to them as much as he did me and that they didn't talk about subjects that were very deep. We talked to pretty much the same people. I asked some of the other women what they thought he meant. They all thought he meant me. So, gradually I began to flirt with him a little more. He flirted back! After several months I told him I wished I could kiss him. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him with my tongue! I probably fell off my chair laughing! I told him that I did and he said he did too. LOL What a romantic start! After several more months I told him I would like to meet him if he ever got the chance to come to America. Then he asked if I would want him to come. I told him I would love for him to come. It took several more months before he made it here. When he got off the plane I couldn't believe just how many things I found attractive about him. He was the perfect combination of ALL the things I find attractive in a man, even down to the curve of the back of his head! The first time I ever saw him undressed I thought his body looked to me like a perfect work of art. I had never thought something like that about a man before. When we all got sick during his visit I watched him sit up all night with my sick children. I saw him clean up the vomit. When I was sick he sat by my side watching me sleep. I knew that the man I longed for existed the minute he held a bucket under my head when I was sick. He was everything. He was all that I longed for in spirit and I found him more attractive than any man I have ever seen. Even the most sexy stars do not come close to him in my eyes. Not only do I love his personality, I love the looks of him. I love the shape of his hands. He has the perfect nose. I have already mentioned the curve of his neck. I love bald men and I find the shape of his bald head very sexy. I can hardly resist kissing him when I look at his mouth. His long legs remind me of the strength and beauty of a champion thoroughbred. Why then, would I even care about looking for any other man? I have everything I have ever wanted. I hate the mornings. I hate that we have to get out of bed and part ways. I love the minute he walks in the door at night. I love sleeping with some part of us touching at all times. I never use a pillow anymore. My pillow is 6'3" and has an English accent. He says he feels strange trying to sleep without my head on his arm or chest. Usually when we wake up in the morning the imprint of my ear is on his arm. I never thought I would ever feel this happy.