Health

My health has recently been a roller coaster ride. Some parts of it make me feel on top of the world. Other parts have me worried and plummeting downward. As for my blood sugar control, I couldn't be more pleased. These last few months on a pump have brought me to a level of control I never thought possible. No matter what I did on shots I couldn't get control. It certainly looked as if I was eating all the wrong things if you looked at my blood sugar results, but I didn't. I just could not get it straightened out. The pump came into my life and I could see such an improvement on a day to day basis. Even eating things that would have about killed me before were handled without a problem. Then I finally get my a1c results. (the average measure over a three month period) For the first time in 27 years I have a good a1c. It is almost that of a person without diabetes. Part of the average would still be before I had the pump so I am thinking it probably is truly that of a person without diabetes now. So that part of my health has me soaring. Now on to what has me crashing. My cholesterol was a bit up but that didn't worry me. It wasn't up much and it was much lower than it has been in the past. The pill the doctor gave me should help with that. What has me worried is my legs. Both have some swelling, but one is definately a lot worse. My heart and kidneys are fine so the swelling isn't that. (which I was extremely worried that it was) However the swelling is in both legs and I don't recall injuring myself. I have gone for x-rays. The doctor thinks it may be a joint disease. I am just waiting to see if it is. There is a lot of worry about it. I don't know what it may mean to me. I have read about some extreme cases leading to amputation. I don't think that will be the case, but it is still a worry. I am hoping the doctor has some answers today. If not I probably won't hear anything until some time next week. Some times I have some pretty severe pain with it and other times I don't. I guess there is nothing to do but sit and worry until I know something.

Freaked out a bit!

What a scary day I had yesterday! First thing in the morning I went to have my blood drawn for my 3 month tests. Things really went smoothly at the lab. I only had to get stuck once this time instead of my usual two or three times. I went in, sat down and told them, "My veins are tiny. They use pediatric needles. I get dizzy if you are poking around inside a lot so if you don't hit it take it out and try again. They never get blood from my arm so do it on my hand." For the first time ever they simply said OK and did it like I asked. One stick, no poking around and they got the blood right away. I told them I have been a diabetic for 27 years and I know very well how I do with blood draws. I was a little surprised at how painless it was when they don't go digging and grinding all over your veins.

After the blood draw I went for breakfast, to the grocery store and stopped for gas. It was when I stopped for gas that my day got creepy. I parked my van at the last pump, never realizing how I nearly vanished from sight in that spot. There was a car facing toward the gas station on the other side of the pump. My van blocked any view of me from the road. I hadn't really paid much attention to it at the time but on the other side of the pump this man kept walking back and forth. I thought he was throwing things in the trash can just past the pump because he kept walking to there. (From there you could see me.) Suddenly the man comes around the other side of the pump and says, "Can you help me?" I asked him what was wrong. He told me his cas cap was stuck and he wanted me to reach inside his car and pull a lever while he tried to get the cap off. I told him I was not comfortable doing that. Well, instead of going off to find someone else to help him he kept persisting. He said I didn't have to get in the car I only had to reach inside and pull this lever on the floor. I must have told the guy I wasn't comfortable at least five time. I was walking backward, shaking my head no and holding my hands out in front of me the whole time. You would think he would go away getting told no so many times and watching my body language. He did not back off. I got in my van and locked the doors. Then he left. He went the most unusual route to leave I have ever seen. He backed up and went around behind a tanker truck, then up like he was going to the grocery store. He drove through the grocery store parking lot, through a construction zone and then got on the main road. He could have simply turned right out of the gas station to get onto this road. After it all happened I started thinking about it. He had the car door open and was facing the gas station. He wanted me to bend over and reach inside his car while he was standing behind me and to the side by the gas cap. My van is on one side. His car is on the other. The open car door is blocking view from the front and his body would block the view from the back. He wants me to get into a position that makes me vulnerable. One quick shove and I would have been inside that car. I would have gone in head first toward the floor. He could have pushed me all the way in and drove off with me in an instant. Even screaming wouldn't have helped much because it might not even be heard and he could be out of there so fast too. There was also a lot of noise in that area from construction. I know I have a very active imagination but I can't help but keep thinking that maybe I have just escaped something horrible. I know that serial killers often get victims by appealing to thier sense of sympathy. I think about that and remember that his first words to me where, "Can you help me?" The other thing that makes me really suspicious of this guy is that he didn't back off. Most people would immediately say they were sorry and move on to find someone else to help. He didn't . The other thing is, why would he want me to help him. There were men at other pumps and inside the building. Why didn't he go inside and ask for help? I definately felt very uneasy. You know that small, still voice. It wasn't being small and still. It was being large and screaming.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Should we start with the good, the bad or the ugly? I guess I'll start with the ugly and work backwards through the list. The ugly is definately John this morning. Not a nice thing to say about my husband. Well...........you haven't seen him this morning then! I was afraid this was coming. Around midnight he woke up, moaning. He started with the typical stomach virus symptoms. You know, the not so nice things we don't like to even think about. He looks more pale than I think I have ever seen him. He said he has never vomited with so much force in his life. The other end of him is not doing so well either and he stinks! Not from his lower half, just that overall sick smell. He has been up being sick every hour and a half to two hours all night long. I hope and pray the girls don't get this because it is the nastiest stomach virus I have even seen in a long time. Obviously, the flu shot does nothing to prevent this bug.

The bad is my blood sugar this morning. No real reason for it to be out of sorts but it is. Woke up to blood sugar of 299! Yikes! Haven't had that since I went on the pump! I checked my pump to be sure I didn't forget to bolus (give insulin) for something I ate. (That would be the simple explanation.) I had given myself a bolus for everything I ate. So my best guess is that the high blood sugar has come from stress and worry and lack of sleep. If it doesn't go down I will have to check to see if I have a kink in my line or a bent cannula or something. If it doesn't go down I guess it will be an early set change to make sure the insulin is getting through.

OK! After all that, how about some good things? Well, yesterday I took the bull by the horns and set about to paying bills and working out a budget. I wrote the last check for getting everything caught up that was behind yesterday and even had some money left over. We went out for dinner in celebration! We also went to Walmart where we bought Amanda a new set of sheets and comforter to start her room make over. We have also decided to start looking around for a new car for John. He loves his truck but it is getting a little sluggish. (It's a 94) He loves trucks and suvs but we decided on a car considering the price of gas. So my job for the next couple of weeks is going to be to go around to the car places and look at what they have. If I see something I think would be good for him I am to take pictures and write down the price and so on. Then he will decide which ones we should go look at together. The other thing we decided was what we are going to do with our tax rebate. We haven't even filed yet so maybe we are being a bit premature, but oh well! We were thinking of going to England to visit Chris. However, John can only get a week off this year and once you consider you spend a day flying each way that makes a very short and rushed trip to England. Not to mention we can't afford to take the girls and they always get stuck at home with Grandma and Grandpap. So we have decided to take the kids and go to Ocean City, Maryland. Amanda has been telling me for a few years that she wants to go to the beach and Jenny has gone with her Dad and loves Ocean City, Maryland. I have only ever gone to the beach once in my life, when Amanda was a baby. Ken and I went to Atlantic City. He gambled and I played in the sand with Amanda. We found baby turtles. You could sort of count it as twice if you count Blackpool, England. I don't count it though. I didn't actually go onto the beach and it was cold. We have decided we really would like to see Chris though. I asked John if it would be OK to invite Chris on our beach vacation. He said she can't afford it. So, I told him that we will pay for her plane ticket and hotel room with our tax refund. It will be cheaper to pay for her to come here than for both of us to go there. So a family beach vacation it is! And hopefully, Aunt Chris will be able to get some time off and will take us up on our offer! She has always been very good to us. Let's hope she lets us be good to her.

Pump Reports

I finally got the program working that keeps track of all the information in my pump and puts it on the computer. Now I can do a print out of everything for the doctor. Just not sure I want the doctor knowing that much about me! LOL I think I might just take the blood sugar readings off of it and not show her everything. Looking at the reports I can tell you exactly the date and time of each time John and I have sex! I'm not sure that I want to share that information with my doctor! It doesn't actually say "Mayme had sex at this date and time" but anyone that knows anything about pumps can tell. During any physical activity you need less insulin so on a pump you decrease your basal (base) rate of insulin temporarily. During the day you would pretty much imagine I might be working out or taking a walk or riding my bicycle. But the temporary basal rates at 10 pm don't leave much to the imagination! It isn't likely I am at the gym. The pump also details what days I was a good girl with my diet and what days I was a very bad girl with my diet. It shows every last carb I put in my mouth. So looking at my report nobody is going to wonder where that extra ten pounds came from. But, hey! I enjoyed every last carb that went into my mouth! But all in all I am glad it is that detailed for MY own sake. I can look at the reports and see just what was a good idea and what wasn't. I can see the areas that might need a bit more fine tuning. I can also see the times when maybe my carb counting wasn't accurate. I like having it computerized and very detailed. It really helps me know what I am doing. I don't have to share every last detail on that chart with my doctor. I can just share the parts she needs to know. I also got my payments set up for the part of my pump that is not covered by the insurance. I will be paying $25 a month for 2 years. That shouldn't hurt too much! That's just the co pay on one prescription at the pharmacy! Then when the warranty is up on my pump in 4 years I will be all ready to get a new one! They are so amazing now, I just wonder what they will be like in four years! I would love to have the continuous glucose monitoring system too but at the moment it isn't covered under insurance. They cost around $1,000 and the sensors (that last about 3 days) cost about $35 a piece. Not exactly in my price range. Perhaps they will soon be covered by insurance. Who knows, in four years they might be part of the pump! That would be nice. Right now the ones on the market are less than perfect so hopefully they will be better and covered by insurance in a couple of years. If and when that happens I hope to get one. For right now I am happy with poking holes in my fingers and palms 4-8 times a day. (Well, maybe HAPPY isn't the word, but accepting might be more like it.)

On another note, I had a strange, unhappy dream last night. I dreamed that for some reason I felt I had to divorce John and get married again to Ken. (my ex husband) I was divorced from John in my dream but still lived with him. It was down to a few weeks before my wedding. Ken's mother had planned a surprise bridal shower for me on a Sunday afternoon. It was Sunday morning and I had gotten wind of the shower. I was very sad and depressed over it. I didn't want to be marrying Ken, let alone having a shower. It was getting closer and closer to the time for the shower and I was getting more and more depressed. John was with me and trying to comfort me. I wanted nothing more than to be with John. Then I got an international phone call from my friend Colin. John had answered the phone and brought it to me. I got on the phone and Colin was telling me that I didn't have to marry Ken. He told me it was silly that I was marrying Ken when I was in love with John. So after talking with Colin I decided that I was going to send the guests back home, telling them that the wedding to Ken was off and I would be marrying John. I felt quite happy that I wasn't being forced to marry Ken anymore and could be married to John. However, the alarm went off and I never got to the part where I actually sent everyone home and made my announcement. I was very happy to see John laying in the bed next to me when I woke up! I probably would have started screaming if I woke up and Ken was there! It is so nice to be married to someone you are so completely in love with! Colin was right. I should be married to the man I love..........and I am!

Girl's Lunch Out Planning

Before I start anything else I just want to say, "This new, improved, updated blogger sucks!" Every time I come on here I have to log in to my account at least twice before it lets me do anything! If it takes everything correctly I have to sign in using my blogger account name first then I have to log in again using the google one. I have tried to make them both the same and it won't let me. I have tried marking "remember me" and it never does. I have tried logging directly into the google and it says my username is not found. Pain in the butt. Why do they always have to "improve" things? Grrrrrrrrrr! OK, rant over.

Well, on to what has been on my mind. Planning a girl's lunch out. I thought since next month is my birthday it would be the perfect excuse to get everyone to come. After all the only thing I have asked for this year is for the women in my life to join me for lunch! The whole lunch out thing comes from my childhood. Every Saturday when I was growing up the ladies in my family would go out to lunch and go shopping. We always had the best time. Then as my grandmother got old and everyone's lives got busy it just stopped happening. I miss doing it as much as I miss my grandmother. It was how she kept her daughters and granddaughters close, really. Now we have all drifted apart. I called around and asked several of the ladies how they would prefer to get together. Should I make lunch for everyone? Should we do a potluck? Or would they rather go out? Of course because I am not financially capable of paying for everyone if we went out everyone would have to pay for thier own. Everyone I asked wanted to go out and nobody minded paying for thier own. The majority liked the idea of going to Red Lobster, so Red Lobster it is! I like the idea that we are treating ourselves to something special. I can't wait to sit around the table with all my girlfriends and the women of my family sharing food and conversation. Amanda and Jenny are both excited about the day as well. Amanda has called my mother at least five times already to ask her if she is going to Red Lobster! I think I may try to seat my mother close to my friend Traicy (if she is able to make it) and me. Then when mom has to pull out her syringe and give herself a shot we can push the buttons on our pumps and take our insulin without having to drag out the old shot!

I think I am going to go lay down now. I have been ill with a very, very nasty stomach virus. I spent Thursday night in the emergency room getting IV fluids. I couldn't even keep water down. I was so dehydrated that they had a very hard time getting blood from me. I had a hard time thinking straight when I first got to the hospital. Maybe it was from being dehydrated. I had a fever too. The best thing about the whole ordeal was that because of my pump I was able to keep my blood sugar stable the entire time. I still don't feel great. I can't eat much but I am keeping down what I do eat. I guess that is something good then. Off to bed for me then! Night!

Psychologists, hair cuts and waxing!

I only have a few minutes this morning to post. So there isn't going to be much here! Have about an hour until we have to leave to take Jenny to see her psychologist. She hasn't seen her in several months but asked me to make her another appointment. I know she has been feeling a lot of stress with her schoolwork and some of her friends. At least these are normal stresses for a fourteen year old. Last year all she could focus on was problems with her father. She actually seems to be working through the things that have been bothering her. It never hurts to have someone to go to though. I don't anticipate her to need a lot of counselling. After the psychologist, Amanda and I have appointments at the hair salon. Hair cuts and brow waxing for us both. I get the upper lip done too. John says you can't see the hair on my upper lip but it bothers me, so I get it ripped out by the root! LOL John's sister doesn't think you can see it either. I felt it was really bad when we were in England for my father in law's funeral. I refused to go to the funeral with a mustache. They all said I did not have a mustache, but if I feel I have one then I do! I know you really can't see it unless you get up close, but that's enough for me to want rid of it! Now, if only I could afford to do something about those lines appearing on my forehead! I also need to take off a little of my extra body! My BMI says I'm overweight. (At least it doesn't say I'm obese, yet) I think my skin is a little dull these days. I can't believe that next month I will be 38. Last thing I remember I was 16. Now I have a child older than that. I am starting to see things that remind me I am not 16 now. Of course if I really did what I want to do at the hair salon my mother would faint and think I had lost my mind. (Why does that make it more tempting?) Wonder what she would say when I show up at her house with purple hair? I have wanted purple hair for years. Maybe one of these days I will actually do it! John is actually for me getting purple hair. He had a mohawk back when he had hair. Ah, the secret side of us that nobody knows! Well, I better go now. Finally getting my turn in the bathroom! Mom is always last to get to put on make up and do her hair. Wonder what the girls would think if I got purple hair?

Sweet, tender moment with Amanda

Most of the time Amanda does not want to be touched. It's just the way she has always been. Last night the church had movie night. They made popcorn and had several different kinds of pop. They showed "Facing The Giants" on the big screen in the front of the sanctuary. We truly enjoyed the film, but I got the real treat! Amanda had not wanted to go anywhere last night. She wanted to stay home and play video games. So she started off the evening mad. John and I had sat down in a pew and parked Amanda's wheelchair beside us. Jenny decided she wanted to sit in the row behind us. So when Amanda saw that she had to go sit beside her sister. Well, because Amanda was in a bad mood to start she kept talking when the movie started. She kept asking when it would be over (out loud) and when it was time to go home. She wasn't even trying to watch the movie. I kept turning around and telling her to be quiet, but it wasn't getting me anywhere. She just kept getting louder. So, I got up and moved back a row and sat down next to her. I took her hand in mine and with the other hand very gently started to stroke the back of her hand and her forearm. She became very quiet. When I moved my hand away she reached out and put it back where it was. So I continued to stroke her hand and forearm. Then she did what she hasn't done since she was just a tiny little thing. She laid her head on my shoulder. I leaned my head over so that it rested on the top of hers. We sat that way through the whole movie. Every once in a while she would kiss my arm. When the movie was over and the pastor closed with a prayer my heart prayed a little differently than his prayer. I thanked God for honoring me by making me the mother of one of his most precious. Last night made me realize how great the rewards are for taking on the hard job. That one evening made the days when I feel worn out, exhausted and frustrated seem so insignificant. God gave me a hard job, but an important one. Sometimes it seems like the parents of handicapped children have more than thier share, but God promises to never give us too much. As hard as some days are and as near as I sometimes feel to my breaking point, I haven't broken. I may break down and cry and hide in my room for a little while, but it isn't long until it is time to move on and start cooking something. Then of course after God gave me the hard one He balanced it out with an easy one. No matter how hard things got, Jenny had the ability to make me laugh. Her sense of humor has always closely matched my own. My children just amaze me sometimes. I am more lucky than people with perfectly healthy, perfectly average children. I get the big rewards. The best rewards in life can never be bought. They are simply the things that reach out and wrap around your heart. Thank you, God for giving me a little extra in what wraps around my heart.

Awesome day with Jenny!

Yesterday Jenny had a field trip to the Heinz History Center. http://http://www.pghhistory.org/
My dad also went along. We had a really great time. That place was so interesting. After the guided tour we stuck around as long as we dared. (to avoid rush hour) We roamed about looking at some of the things not covered in the tour. The tour felt a bit rushed, but I know they try to get as much in as they can in the amount of time they have for the tour. Wondering around on our own was the best experience. One area that wasn't in the guided tour was the Special Collections exhibit. In that exhibit they had things they didn't really know where to put. This is where you could find some odd and unusual looking things. Some things were pretty common and some things you had to look them up to find out what they were. The permanant wave machine was one of those things that left you wondering. I certainly would not want that thing attached to my head! There was also a small electric powered car by Westinghouse in this display. Jenny has some pictures and I am bugging her to give me copies. When I can convince her to send them to me I will post them. My dad treated us to our lunch in the cafe. It was a pretty nice lunch. Sandwiches come with chips, pickle and a cookie. (It was nice to not have to give away my cookie!) We had a great day together. After everyone got home we went out to dinner as a family and then we went to see "Wild Hogs". I never laughed so hard in my life. We all really enjoyed it. Jenny was convinced it wouldn't really be very funny, but she was laughing a lot too. I dropped my popcorn into John's lap. Popcorn flew everywhere. The showing was sold out and of course people sat in the seats next to spot for wheelchairs. So we had to go clear to the front to sit so that we weren't blocking the aisles with Amanda's wheelchair. I wish I had dropped the popcorn on the people sitting next to the wheelchair spot. John sat between me and Amanda and Jenny on the other side of me. Through the whole movie Amanda held John's hand. It was sweet. We had a very nice day yesterday. Today we get to clean house and do laundry. Yuck!

edited to add some photos of the day

Good Bye Kiss

In the early morning hours,
I kiss you good bye.
I sit and watch the sun rise.
I long to be sleeping,
Safe within your arms.
My thoughts still linger,
On the last kiss of the morning.
Hours will pass.
The day will get busy.
Every now and then
I will remember,
That last kiss.
Again I will long,
For that sleepy embrace.
My heart will grow sad,
Because I cannot feel you.
Soon the day will end,
And you will return.
A kiss of greeting,
Replaces good bye.
You are back where you belong.
Soon we will sleep,
Entwined in our love.
Peace will fill our hearts again.

test

I am having trouble getting in to my account ever since I was forced into migrating to the google account. I had to try different things before I got into my account this way. This is just a test to see if it will publish for me. I hate those stupid changes!