Hectic Runaround Day

Today Jenny's child support should be in the bank. So that means we will be able to go to pick up Jenny's new glasses. They have been done for a few days now, but this being the week between John's paydays we didn't have the money to pick them up. They were pretty impressed with how well we had straightened Jenny's glasses out after Amanda bent them all up. You could still see places where they had been bent and they don't sit perfect on her face anymore. We did manage with a lot of patience to get them to a point where she could wear them until she got the new ones. She has such bad vision in her right eye. She can only see a distance of about two feet without her glasses in that eye. The other eye has relatively good vision. The trouble with that is without special lenses one eye would have a lens that is thin and the other would be extremely thick. The trouble with the special lenses is that they add $130 to the cost on top of the cost of frames and the regular price of lenses. We drove almost into Pittsburgh to go to America's Best. They advertised two pair of glasses for $69.95. However, we sure didn't get that price! That price only applies if you need no special lenses at all. We did think it was worth the drive though. She is getting two pair for the price we paid the last time for one pair of glasses at Walmart. So, we didn't get the bargain price but it still worked out cheaper for us. And she will have an extra pair to put on if something happens to one of them. She really can't go without glasses at all. So, while Amanda is at school Jenny and I will go get her glasses and maybe have a little look around the mall. Lunch out somewhere we normally couldn't go. Then in the evening when Amanda and John are home we have to take Amanda to the gynecologist for her depo shot. They have really helped her mood swings. She doesn't have to have an exam or anything. She just goes in and tells the doctor how things are and he gives her a shot. That's it. Then we go back in three months for another one.

Last night my legs were aching. I laid down on the bed and John rubbed them for me. He did a good job of relaxing me. I never really got back up. I got up and ate some chicken wings and went straight back to bed. Because of being a diabetic and on insulin I can't go to bed without eating something. I really didn't want to get back up last night. I can't remember a time when I felt that completely relaxed. I was so relaxed that John thought I was sleeping. I wasn't though. I just allowed even my mind to relax while he rubbed my legs. He is such a good husband.

First Day Back To School

We have heard Amanda awake since 4 am. She is so excited about her first day back to school. She knows she doesn't get up until 5 to get ready. We could hear her in her room but she did not get out of bed until 5. Of course when I came down the stairs at 5:00 I barely made it into the bathroom before her. That would have been disaster! Fortunately, she waited and let me pee before she went in to get dressed. John did not make it in before her. Of course he has the portable pee unit and was able to go outside. Having no close neighbors does have some benefits. She has decided to wear make up to school this year. However, after seeing her attempts at putting it on herself I have decided to help her. We wouldn't want her going to school looking like a circus clown. She has chosen her new jeans and her Scooby Do t-shirt with a little silver heart necklace. Last night before bed she had me paint her nails. She is wearing a very pretty cologne that her aunt sent to her from England. I sent a note to the teacher about her being ill this summer so they would not think she was faking if she says she is tired. I also wanted them to know that she will be having more tests for diabetes shortly. I asked them to help her make appropriate food choices. I am sure I will be getting a call this morning. If I don't hear from the school by 10 am I will give them a call.

We are still waiting on the arrival of Jenny's laptop for school. Her classes have been moved back a week. Because of the recall on so many laptops and laptop batteries none of the kids have gotten thier computers. It is hard to have cyber classes without computers. Jenny is so excited to get started. The last thing she wanted was another week of summer vacation. I am very excited about it for her.

Yesterday's trip to my parents went about as well as expected. We made a very hasty departure when we just couldn't take any more. I was doing my very best to hold back tears. Turned on the radio as I was getting in the van and Billy Idol's song "Rebel Yell" was playing. I was feeling a bit rebellious myself at that moment so I turned it up so that mom would hear it. I have decided that for one day I am going to dress the way I feel on the inside instead of what is acceptable for a woman of my age. Ha! It includes a lot of black leather and fishnet stockings. When I told John of my desire to dress like that he just smiled and told me to go ahead! There is a picture of me dressing up similar to that with Jenny but it is a little milder than how I feel on the inside. I am tired of suppressing my rebellious streak. Perhaps this is my midlife crisis. Oh well. I don't intend to dress this way every day. I just want one day to go completely off the deep end. Is that too much to ask?

John and Amanda have gone to work and school. Jenny is in bed. I finished my book. I don't know what else to write. I could clean house, but I don't wanna! I could watch tv but there is nothing on at this hour. I have rented dvd's but I don't want to watch them without John. I guess I'll go check out the news websites and see what is going on in the world. Maybe do a little ebay shopping. I might even get inspired to write. Just not in the mood yet.

Not going to church......again

I guess we are getting into a bad habit of not going to church. I have a bit of a headache and so does John. I do enjoy church and want the kids to go. Jenny loves going to the youth group. However, the last couple of times that we went the pastor has been preaching with fire. If there is one thing that turns me off to church it is to go and be shouted at. I honestly believe that the Spirit moves you from within in that still, small voice. For me the message reaches home quicker if it is delivered in a patient tone of voice. If I want shouted at and judged I will go visit my mother. Which is exactly what I have planned for later. Actually she doesn't usually shout, but she does say things that make me feel judged. It is like she holds onto every bad thing I have done in the past to bring up now and then. Just to stick a knife in. At least, that is how it feels. I wish that every time my kids do something less than pleasing she wouldn't say things like, "They got that honestly." or "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." or "Remember when you...." It seems I rarely escape a visit with her without one of those comments. However, we promised to go down today. We were going to have one last swim before Dad closes the pool. It is chilly and rainy! Figures. We could have went yesterday when it was sweltering. Instead we worked our butts off and figured we could have our play today! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Oh well. I guess it is off to take some Tylenol and relax with John until lunchtime. Then off to visit Mom and Dad. Then we have to run to the store for some necessities. Then John and the girls will come home and I will go to the laundromat to wash John's work clothes. Those things are not going into my washing machine. They weigh a ton from all the zinc that is on them. It does not wash off. I take them to the laundromat and put them in those heavy duty super jumbo washing machines. Maybe next week we will visit a different church. One that makes us feel good when we go.

Saturday morning......let's get started!

We had a nice sleep in this morning. I went to bed before 9 last night. Every part of my body was aching. We got up around 8:30. My brother was here for a while this morning. He just left. We are planning to do some more reorganizing and cleaning around here. We have been changing things around to accomodate Jenny having school at home. I don't want her taking her laptop and going to her room to work. I also don't want her sitting in the middle of everything where she will be distracted. I have decided to clean out the junk room (which I have been making very little progress on) and make it into a little classroom for her. The pantry is also in there but that shouldn't bother her. I am going to move my sewing machine so that she can have that table to work on. I would also like to clean the basement. Perhaps a corner of the basement would be OK for sewing. As long as I store my fabrics in plastic it should be fine. I don't have any expensive fabrics anyway. I am going to start insisting that the old refrigerator be taken out of my kitchen and moved to the basement next week. Next weekend I hope to begin painting my kitchen. I bought the paint at the beginning of summer and it is still sitting there. I am not about to let it go until after winter. I am married to a painter after all. A new ramp needs to be put on the front of the house. I don't think that one will withstand another winter. I know I have big dreams, but I think we can at least get a decent start on it today. If things take longer than I plan that is fine. They usually do, but if I aim for doing them today I will be more motivated to get as much done as I can. So much got so far behind with my infection and our company. Time to try to do some catching up. I just hope we get it all done before the cold weather. I would like to get the ceiling painted in my bedroom before winter and get a carpet. That bare floor gets to my diabetic feet every morning. It actually hurts me to walk on the bare floor. And my ceiling resembles an abandonment. (peeling) My husband looks a little forlorn this morning, but he agrees that we need to get on these things. So.............time to tear into the work!

Missing John

Some days I just miss him when he is at work. Today is one of them. I don't feel like doing much of anything. I just wish he was home so I could snuggle up to him. We have such great conversations. And when we are quiet it is comfortable. When we work on things together we make the best team. It just seemed like that little bit of time between waking up and him going to work this morning wasn't enough. The last hug and kiss of the morning left me wanting him to come back. I can close my eyes and picture him. I can almost smell him and feel the way his arms feel around me. It almost always seems to be Fridays when I miss him most. Probably because he has gone to work all week and I am looking forward to him being home with me on the weekend. I cannot ever imagine feeling this way about any other man. He is my perfect mate. I hope we both live a very long time so that we can spend as much time as possible with each other. Hurry home tonight, John. You are missed deeply.

Limmerick

Today I haven't been around most of the day. This evening I plan to spend with John. Jenny and I came up with a limmerick while getting ready to go out this morning. So I will leave you with this.

There once was a pharaoh Osiris
Whose looks were less than desirous
He appeared rather mean
Because his face was quite green
Or so it's portrayed on papyrus

Have ya missed me?

I know I haven't been keeping up with this everyday lately. John had a migraine again on Monday. He had to come home early from work. I hadn't had the chance to post in the morning like I usually do. I thought I would just put something up later. Then John came home sick so I didn't worry too much about the blog. Yesterday I was having technical issues. Since there is nothing available where I am but dial up that is what I have. The phone company was having some sort of issue. So, for much of the day I had no phone or internet. I almost had to resort to cleaning the house for entertainment! Today I am getting ready to take the girls for haircuts. Mom has offered to get it done for them. So I guess it is a day out with Grandma. I hope it goes well. Some days it does. Some days it doesn't. Depends on whether she is the mood to "preach". Some days she can make me feel so small. Well, I best be getting something to eat and getting dressed. I don't think Mom would appreciate me going in my froggie nightshirt. Here is a little game my good friend Truckie sent me. I have spent way too long trying to park that car! http://www.107.peugeot.co.uk/peugeot.swf Hope the link works. Have never put a link in before.

Monday Morning.

Well, this weekend went too fast! It was wonderful being at home with the kids and John. Saturday John has to work until lunchtime. Of course that was the day I had the migraine. Luckily it passed well enough that I could function. We had a wonderful time at the mall after we got Jenny's eyes examined. We didn't buy much, just mostly looked around. We got a bag of warm cashews and nibbled them while we looked around. Yesterday was pretty uneventful. We skipped church again. The pastor is going to think we ran away! We just cleaned the house and did some reorganizing. Still working on getting that junk room cleaned out so it can be Jenny's classroom. School for her starts in a week. They still haven't sent the new computer. So, I will be back in the dungeon today.....um, I mean Jenny's classroom. I hope her computer and curriculum come today. There won't be anything she can do until they arrive. She is so excited and can't wait to get started.

Migraine

Not going to say much. I have to take Jenny to get her eyes examined. I am behind in what I have to get done because I woke up with a terrible migraine. It was the can't stand even the sound of your own voice, want total darkness, puking your guts out kind. Strangely, although headache medications do nothing for my headaches rubbing peppermint oil on my head makes them go away. I had to have it twice this morning though. My stomach is still a bit queasy. I just managed a bowl of cereal. I guess that means it is safe to take my insulin. Wouldn't want to take it and then not be able to keep anything down. That could be very bad. Well, off to take my insulin then.

Bad, bad day yesterday.

Some of you already know I had a bad time of it yesteday with Amanda. She really had a freak out on us. I don't really feel like recounting the entire thing. I'll just say she freaked out in the van. Jenny ended up with one of her favorite shirts nearly ripped off her body and her glasses broken. I ended up with a fat lip. We had to get out of the van to keep Amanda from hurting us and lock her in until she calmed down a little. This happened in a public place so I am truly amazed that I have not been arrested and Amanda carted off to the mental facility. Amanda was not hurt in any way though. She simply had to sit in the van until she could stop screaming and hitting. She pounded on the glass and screamed. I think people thought I locked the keys in with her and she freaked out. I think that is the only thing that kept them from calling the cops. I was standing outside the window repeating slowly, "Calm down. Just calm down." I think if I was walking away or screaming someone would have called the police. Anyway, if they had taken her to the hospital they would have soon realized she has been there before for doing things like that. Amanda goes back to the psychiatrist real soon. I think a medication change may be in order. She can be so sweet when she isn't freaking out. Well I guess I recounted it to some degree. It's over now. Amanda is being very sweet this morning. We will soon have her back to the doctor to try to get things worked out again.

On another note, I was talking to my mother yesterday. She said she had stripped Maurice's bed of the sheets and matress cover, washed them twice and hung them outside. She opened all the windows in the room and has left them open since Wednesday. She said she would wash his laundry every couple of days for him and in the entire month she only washed 2 pair of underwear twice. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Walmart and dinner out!

Ah, yes. The love/hate relationship (or relationshop, as one of my dear friends typoed yesterday) reared it's head. I made a trip out to our new Super Walmart. I guess maybe I should explain my love/hate relationshop for those that don't understand. Many of you already know. I love the prices, the selection and that I can get it in one place. I hate what Walmart does to the little guy and of course how new ones pop up where there isn't needed another one. Let's not get into replacing my beloved old buildings with Walmarts. Anyway, after a month of being told that going shopping was like watching paint dry, I was in need of groceries. I also needed to get some clothes for Amanda to start school. Jenny is attending cyber school so her clothing needs are not as urgent. So last night we went shopping. Amanda got 3 new outfits. I think she will look very pretty in them. Someone recently thought she was a boy. I got so extremely pissed. I don't think she looks like a boy but she has always favored dressing in less than a feminine way. She has only voluntarily worn a dress to my wedding. Any other dress that has been put on her has been chewed, torn and spit on. So, I tried to pick things that weren't overly frilly but still made her look like a girl. Of course, they had to meet her approval as well. It was a daunting task! Jenny was a huge help. I made sure to get Amanda some jewelry to go with her new outfits too. I am getting excited to see her all dressed up for school. I let Jenny get a pair of leggings she really wanted as well. I told her I would get her more new clothes but that it would have to wait until a little later. She didn't mind. She says she plans to go to school in her pj's anyway. I finally found the Gatorade drink mix. I have been looking for that! It was exactly where John told me it was! It is so much cheaper to mix that up for John and put it in bottles than it is to keep buying those 20 oz. bottles. You have to cut corners where you can. The rest of the shopping was just my average grocery shop. We also went to Garfield's for supper. They had a pick 2 for $9.99 deal. You could pick 2 from a list of appetizers, entrees and desserts. I wanted Bourbon Chicken. The price of Bourbon Chicken on the regular menu is $9.99. The price of bourbon chicken on the pick 2 menu is the same only you can pick either a dessert or an appetizer to go with it. I'm no fool. I took the free appetizer. I had 7 layer dip with tortilla chips. Everyone chose something that was either spicy or saucy! The bourbon chicken came with garlic mashed potatoes and yellow and green beans. Needless to say, we had a stack of take home boxes at the end of the meal. No way could we eat all that! I finished off the 7 layer dip and chips late last night. Well, I have to take Amanda to the dentist today. She has 2 small cavities. Not a problem for her. She loves going to the dentist! Is she nuts?!?!

Back To Wales

Well, this is the day Maurice goes back to Wales. Actually, the last two days with him were quite nice. He seemed to enjoy everything. He can be very nice. It just frustrated the hell out of me when it seemed like nothing I did satisfied him. My feelings got hurt quite a few times. We had many nice conversations, especially early on in the visit. I loved to talk to him about his Spiritualism. If he could be like he was in the beginning and end and leave out most of the middle it would have been great. Poor Amanda is heartbroken that he leaves today. She cried for hours last night. Broke my heart to see her cry like that. Mom and Dad are taking Maurice to the airport this morning. They are stopping off here for Maurice to say goodbye. I am sure this morning will be hard. Amanda will be quite the handful. I will be grateful to get things back to normal though. Hopefully soon we will get the call that Jenny's computer is ready to be picked up. Will have to take Amanda school shopping. Jenny says she is going to school in her pajamas. Guess it doesn't matter much since it is cyber school. She is excited. I hope we hear from them real soon. I don't know what day classes are to begin but she hasn't even got the computer yet. Then we will have to figure out how to get it on the network. I think I will have to buy another network card. Going to have to get all that going soon. Well, I have a lot to do today. Best get busy. As for the tooth, I feel absolutely nothing there today. No pain. No pinch. No "funny" feeling. No pulling. It feels normal.

Tired and headachy

I don't feel much like writing anything this morning. I am so tired and headachy this morning. It's not a major headache. Just one of those little naggy sort of headaches. Maybe I will lay down for a little bit after John goes to work. He is sitting here having his breakfast now. I have to take Maurice to the mall this afternoon to buy gifts for his daughters. He was rather pleasant last night and I enjoyed his company. I hope it carries on today. He seemed to be liking just about everything last night. He was more talkative and he laughed a lot. We got some good pictures of him with everyone last night. I think he was really surprised that we gave him a birthday party. I have a lot of things that need doing around the house. I am going to do as much as I can but not push it or the headache will get worse. As for my jaw. It isn't bothering me in the least this morning. It still feels a bit "funny" but no pain. I can even poke at it without pain. I guess what feels "funny" to me is the fact that there isn't a tooth there! There is a slight pulling feeling there. I guess that is the gums healing. Won't be long until I don't even notice it.

I can't believe I like the weekdays more!

Yep. I have really been looking forward to the weekdays. On weekends we feel obligated to spend John's off time with Maurice. It's like on weekends we run around doing things to try to please him and failing every time. He didn't say one way or the other if he liked the museum. I know the kids had a good time. We really couldn't afford it but we did it anyway. At least the girls had a good time. We didn't get to see a lot of the museum. John and I want to take the girls on our own again sometime so that we can see the rest. John was a bit snippy yesterday. The stress of this visit is getting to him too. He told me this morning that he doesn't want him invited back. He said (and I agree) that he feels that Maurice doesn't care much for us. He seems to rave about my mother and he will sit and talk to my dad and brother for hours. As far as when he is with us though he seems very uninterested. John says he will ask him how work was and when he answers him he just gets a blank look on and starts looking around the room. I am getting really tired of insinuations that I need to kill some of my cats. I said something about having too many of them and that I needed to get rid of some. (I meant I need to find them new homes.) He asked me what method we use to get rid of them, putting them in a sack? When one of the little kittens turned up missing I was afraid a coyote had gotten it. It had been days since it went missing when I heard a meowing coming from some tall grass between some of the old buildings. I followed the sound and found the kitten. It was extremely bony and had a bite mark on it's neck. I guess this little kitty put up a good fight and got away. It must not have known how to make it's way back to it's mother. I picked it up and cleaned it off and hand fed it. Then I gave it back to it's mother. She took it right back. She has now moved all of the kittens. I don't know where they are now but I know she has taken them. She is a good one for moving them when she feels they are in danger. Maurice told me I would have been better off leaving the kitten out there to die. There is also a stray, feral cat that has moved into one of the buildings and has had kittens. So I know we can't keep all of these cats. We are definately becoming over populated. I have decided to box trap the feral cat and her kittens and take her to an agency that cares for feral cats. I plan to find new homes for most of our cats. Then I will be able to afford to get the ones we are keeping fixed. Our inside cat escaped a the house a while back and she is looking rather round too! We definately need to cut down the cats but not by killing them! Maurice wanted John to shoot the stray and let her babies die. He seems to think I am silly for not wanting to kill them. He now wants me to take him shopping so he can get his daughters something. He says they like gold. So I guess I have to take him to a jewelry store. When I had him with me in Walmart once he looked at the jewelry but couldn't find anything he liked. (Why does that not surprise me?) I guess I'll take him to the mall tomorrow. There are more jewelry stores than any other kind of store in our little mall. If he doesn't find something at the mall I am not taking him anywhere else. He said he would rather just give his daughters money. I think the whole point was that they wanted something from America. Tonight my mother is throwing him a small birthday party since his birthday is next month. Mom said she picked up a few things we can give him as gifts. Good. I'm glad she did. I don't want to spend any more of my money on giving him something he won't like anyway. He goes on about how hard my mother works. I know she does, but not as hard as he seems to think. She coddles him. She loves cooking and baking. It is how she spends most of her time. She cooks and bakes and takes care of her chickens. She also does laundry and washes dishes. She never cleans house. My dad cleans the house. And it hadn't been cleaned in months before he came. My mother doesn't even usually buy cleaning supplies! I think he sees me as lazy! I think he sees John as lazy too. The other day John was out on the lawn tractor cutting the grass. It was hot outside. Maurice and Amanda were on the porch. I asked them if they would like a drink. They did so I took them one. Then Maurice proceeded to tell me I needed to go see if my husband needed a drink. Well I pointed out to him that my husband had a bottle of water with him on the tractor. (Of course if John is thirsty there is nothing stopping him from getting off the tractor and getting another drink.) Then someone had left an empty pop can on the porch. Amanda was going over to pick it up and throw it away. Maurice told her to leave it alone and tell her mother to get it when I came back outside. I was busy cooking the horrid roast, corn on the cob, fresh green beans and sliced tomatoes. I didn't bother with making the mashed potatoes and gravy like I had planned. Wasn't about to go to the trouble if he didn't even like it. The kids love the corn on the cob anyway. Jenny had overheard him telling me about the pepper. I really did not put much pepper on it. I had barely sprinkled it. So she took the pepper shaker and loaded hers down with pepper! LOL I don't know how she ate it that black! She said she would have eaten it like that no matter how strong it was after overhearing him! Well, I hate to see how long this post is! I guess I should be getting on with things. I just bit my tongue trying to eat cherries. The side of my mouth that lost the tooth seems to work fine for biting tongues! Ouchie! My face is still a bit swollen on that side but not much. The pain is almost gone. John said the opening is half closed now. A few more days and I should be good as new.

Off to the Museum

Well, it's off to the museum today. Not much time to spare writing this morning. I have to pack us a picnic lunch. The museum cafe is closed on Sunday. So we are taking a picnic to eat outside the museum. Last night we went to the fireworks. It was the second annual "Summerfest". There were some games and food booths set up at the firehall. They topped it off with a gorgeous fireworks display. It was even nicer than the ones I have seen for the Fourth of July. We ate french fries with cheese and sat in folding chairs and watched the display. It was actually a little chilly. I think everyone enjoyed it, including Maurice. I hope he enjoys the museum today. The girls are both looking forward to it. Yesterday we got a few things done. Amanda's bicycle is almost ready for riding now. Just one more thing to do to it and she can ride it. This evening she might get the opportunity to ride her pony too. Jessie is getting pretty old so she doesn't get ridden much. I hope today is a good day. My tooth barely bothers me at all so far today. I have noticed that I am really weak. My legs started shaking when I was trying to weed yesterday. I guess I just have to take it slow until I can build up my strength.

F off, old man!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Could we just fast forward to Wednesday, please! I went to the grocery store and picked up a beef roast for tonight. I have the roast beef in the oven. I said something to Maurice about having a roast in the oven. He says, "Go a little easy on the pepper, will ya?" WTF! I don't exactly drown it in pepper. I just give it a little sprinkle of salt and pepper over the top. Well I told him I just put a little sprinkle of salt and pepper over the top and he said, "That's what I was afraid of!" Piss off! Kiss my ass! He then proceeded to tell me it is fine if that is what my family is used to but if I have company I shouldn't put it on because you can always put more on but you can't take it off. Then he complained about the food in the restaurant my parents took him too. He ordered a hot roast beef sandwhich and was upset becaust they put it on bread and put gravy over everything. (That's what a hot roast beef sandwich is!) Then he complained about the way we make gravy here. (From the juices off the roast) Claims gravy is much better if you use an OXO cube. (which isn't available here) So apparently my cooking and everyone else in America's is horrible. Then he told me I need to be worried about Jenny because she is too quiet. Well she always has been. She talks to me. She confides in me. I think we have a pretty good relationship. He can just kiss my ass. I can't wait until Wednesday.

Welcoming a boring day!

Slept in this morning. Felt so good. I think we slept an entire 11 hours! I didn't take any pain meds before bed last night either. That was just an all natural need for sleep. This morning I woke up with nothing more than a bit of soreness. I sort of felt bad that I didn't make any plans to do anything today with Maurice. It is his last weekend here. We are going to Carnegie museum tomorrow. Today though I just wanted to stay home and work outside. Maybe we will get some time to work on Amanda's bicycle. With that infection all summer my flower gardens and vegetable gardens have not had much tending. I hope to get them looking nice. John is going to fix the lawnmower and give the grass a cut. I have some laundry to do and I need to go to the grocery store. I don't have anything to cook tonight. I'll get something I can throw on the grill and enjoy outside. I am looking forward to an outside family day here at home. Maurice is coming over sometime this afternoon. I think he will enjoy helping with those outside chores. He does like that sort of thing. He also seems to be looking forward to the museum. I hope so.

Infection?

Yesterday afternoon my jaw started to hurt worse and the swelling increased. My stomach was a bit upset as well. I think a bit of infection has crept into the area where the tooth was. So, I started on the antibiotic. I had the dentist write me a prescription for one just in case. Glad I did. I started them yesterday afternoon. It already feels a bit better. I also spent yesterday rinsing with salt water. It hurt more yesterday afternoon than it has since it was pulled. I took a pain killer yesterday. The girls were both being perfect angels until I took that thing. I slept for awhile. Then Amanda discovered that Maurice and my parents had gone out for the day and it was possible that he wouldn't make it to our house for supper. So she wakes me up by screaming and smacking me in the head. I woke up a little disoriented also. So I am sort of wondering what's going on. Everything is sort of spinning. Amanda is screaming. The pain starts to creep back in although I still feel like I am floating. Finally get myself pulled together and try to calm Amanda. She is having no parts of being calmed. She goes between dialing the phone and getting no answer at my parents' house to screaming at me because she wants Maurice for the next 3 hours. I keep telling her that Grandma will call us when she gets home and we will go get Maurice. John had to stop at Sears to get a new belt for the lawn tractor so he is late getting home. Jenny has taken to hiding in her room so as not to catch Amanda's wrath. Finally, just as I am putting supper on the table my mother calls. Maurice is there. Obviously he is not going to be with me for supper. I tell her that we will eat and then come down for a visit. Amanda refuses to eat because she wants to eat with Maurice. I had made ham and french fries because they didn't require much messing with while Amanda was having her melt down. So I told her if she didn't eat she wasn't going to get anything to eat. So she still refuses the meal claiming she hates ham and french fries. (Since when?) She makes herself a peanutbutter sandwich. Fine. I don't care. The rest of us eat our ham and french fries. We had a nice visit at my parents house. Amanda acted as though she were an angel all day. (Mom knew better though.) Today the older folks are planning a trip away all day. They don't intend to come home until bedtime. They told Amanda that they would be gone. Let's hope it sunk in and she doesn't have another melt down today. She has had at least a minor one every day since Maurice got here. She adores him and wants to spend every minute with him. Once lunch is over she starts fretting about seeing him. Around 3 she usually goes into her screaming, hitting thing. He usually gets here around 4. So I usually only have it to deal with for an hour. Last night they didn't call until around 6, so it was a hard night. IF Amanda does not go wild tonight I hope we can cut some grass and work on her bicycle. She has made it impossible to do anything but tend to her this entire month. My nerves are shot. I love this early morning. John has just left for work and the kids are still asleep. Amanda won't sleep for long though. It is just so quiet and peaceful. I am tired. I just don't want to go back to sleep and miss the most peaceful part of my day.

The Sound of Rain

Sitting here this morning I can here the sound of rain. It has been so terribly dry, hot and humid. It sounds like a nice soft, steady rain. The perfect kind of rain. If I went outside I know I would be able to smell that wonderful smell that comes with this kind of rain. I had planned to put my laundry out on the line today but I will gladly use the dryer in exchange for some nice rain. I can feel a gentle, cool breeze coming in the window as well. This rain should make the day comfortable.

Speaking of comfort, my jaw is a little sore this morning. The swelling in my face has gone down. When the swelling went down the purple around my eye went away with it. The pain in my jaw today is a sort of dull ache with a nice jab of sharp pain now and again. Nothing unbearable. I think over the counter pain killers should do the trick today. I don't like taking the prescription ones any more than necessary. I don't like how drowsy I feel when I take them. I tend to try to take them only at bedtime so I can get a good night's rest.

Well, there is nothing much on my mind this morning. I am going to read a little this morning. I hope to get some laundry done and my floors swept and mopped today. What an exciting day! LOL

Survived!

Well, I am here and not dead. I didn't croak in the dentist chair. I was terribly scared. My whole body shook pretty hard the entire time. I just couldn't stop it. He said he thinks I need to be sedated if I ever have a tooth pulled again because I am so afraid. I could tell he was pretty upset with me for my fear but I really couldn't help it. The worst part of the whole ordeal was the dentist being upset with me. He said he didn't have the patience for me. At that point all I could do was cry. It didn't hurt at all. He got it good and numb and he was fast. I really felt nothing. I was pretty sore last night although not nearly in as much pain as I was before I had the tooth out. It only hurts a little this morning. This after pain is much more bearable than the pain before. I don't think my fear is so much of the pain as it is of feeling looked down on. I have never gone to a dentist that didn't make me feel like a pain in the ass stupid idiot. I keep starting to cry. I try to stop it. I can't. Everyone thinks I am just in a lot of pain. The pain isn't so bad at all. I just keep remembering the dentist with a sharp tone in his voice saying he didn't have the patience for me and that it was the end of his day and he wanted to go home. Then when I started to say something he just grabbed my mouth open and pulled out the tooth. If I am just given a second to take a deep breath I can always get myself calm, but I didn't get that. That's really when the shaking started the worst. I was shaking before but that is when it became uncontrollable. I know I am a horrible patient. It isn't really so much the pain that scares me though. I knew that pain would be less than the pain I had been enduring for the past 2 months. He said I probably wouldn't even need an aspirin. Now that certainly wasn't true but I could probably stand just a couple of Tylenol. He gave me pain meds which I took last night so I could rest better. I don't think I am going to take anything today unless it is really bothering me. If it isn't too bad I will just stick with the Tylenol.

Learning.

Just trying to see if this will work here. Not sure if I know how to do this yet. If I am doing this all wrong, tell me about it, Adam.

Dentist

Today is the day I must go to the dentist. Talk about waking up with a feeling of dread! I will be relieved to have the tooth gone. It has given me so much trouble. I am so scared. My stomach is really upset this morning. Is it the tooth causing it or is it the fear? I am afraid I will die in the dentist chair. John said to me last night, "You really are terribly afraid aren't you?" Gee, what have I been telling him! He says it won't be so bad. I tell him he'll feel like a fool if I die. I wish he could be there. I guess I will just have to go with my mother taking me. Now that won't make me a bit nervous, will it? (Wonder if the sarcasm in my head can be heard.) Amanda and Jenny are going to be staying with my dad and Maurice while I get my tooth taken out. It is hurting a good bit this morning but I am still afraid. I guess I'm so scared I don't even have much to say. If I never come back, you will know that my worst nightmare happened and I died in a dentist chair.

Kennywood.

Here is our first Kennywood picture. We don't have the rest of them off the computer yet.

One More Day

Well Kennywood is over and there is one more day until I have to go to the dentist. Got it into my head in the middle of the night that I am going to die in the dentist chair. I think I will call them today and get a little more antibiotic. I am all out and since I have a heart murmur I should have one just before I go in. Otherwise, there is a possibility I could die in the dentist chair. At least this is what I have been told. Everyone keeps assuring me that it is not going to be bad. I hope they give me good drugs when I am done though. I want to sleep it all off. Mom says she will take care of feeding my family and make me some soft stuff. I'm still pretty scared but not as bad as I was. As long as I don't die in the chair. Speaking of dying, my brother was sure my Dad was going to have a heart attack and die on one of the roller coasters. He's such a mother hen. They do have warnings about not going on the rides if you have a heart condition, but Dad can read. I told Dad that Matthew was worried about him going on the roller coasters. His reply was, "but that's my favorite ride." I don't much care for roller coasters. They give me a headache, but Dad loves them. So I told him to enjoy himself but if he had a heart attack and died I would most likely be in deep shit. He laughed and told me that Matthew doesn't like him to do anything. Anyway, Dad's doctor has given him no restrictions. Dad loves the ride. He knows about the warning. Matthew's first reaction when Dad got off the ride was, "Look how red his face is!" I said, "Look how red everyone's face is. Look at the grin from ear to ear." I don't want Dad to die. I love him very much. He knows it too. Someday he will die, though. I hope it won't be for a very long time. I just don't want to stop him from doing things that put that ear to ear grin on his face while he is still with us. What point is there to keeping death at bay if you are miserable? Other than Matthew being a mother hen to Dad the day was pretty enjoyable. I don't think Maurice thought so most of the time, although he was grinning on the bumper cars. He wouldn't ride much but he decided he was going to have it out for the kids on the bumper cars. We all love him to death. As Dad put it, "He's just set in his ways." It was not unbearably hot. It was hot but bearable. In the hottest part of the day we went on the water rides. Sure didn't take long to dry off. The ride operators all seemed to be in good spirits. The day sped past. We were all exhausted after our day out. It is so much more work when you are taking Amanda. She has to be lifted on and off everything. John's back is sore. I will give him a nice long massage after work. His love for his daughters really shines through on Kennywood Day. You would never guess that they weren't biologically his. (Wasn't too long ago that somebody told him his daughter, Jenny, looked just like him! He beamed!) They may not be his in the biological sense but in the heart, where it matters, they couldn't be more his. I know that when they think of who thier Dad is it is his face that comes to mind. They went to pretty much being someone's responsibility and obligation (That's how my ex treated it anyway. Never heard from him unless he wanted something.) to being someone's pride and joy. I sit back and watch my family look at each other with love on thier faces. I see the teasing and laughter that should come from fathers and daughters. I see the hugs and the serious talks. I watch as John fixes things for them or offers them fatherly advice. I am proud of what my family is. A day at Kennywood always lets me see what a wonderful family I have.

Kennywood!

Well, this is it! Kennywood day. I don't intent to make a very long post this morning. I have less than an hour and a half to be ready to go. Amanda is terribly excited. Jenny is a little more laid back. John and I are bracing ourselves for the most tiring day of the year. We didn't make it to the mountains. The brakes felt a little funny to me and I didn't want to risk coming off a mountain with no brakes. Dad says that to drive it around on flat ground for a week and see if it feels better by next week. If it doesn't he'll see what's going on. So we took the girls to see Monster House with Maurice. Everyone seemed to enjoy it but Maurice. He doesn't like movies much. He says going to Walmart is like watching paint dry and he said the movie was worse. Oh well, I don't know really how to please him. He is lovely to talk to when we are at home and he enjoys the historical things. He just doesn't seem to enjoy any of the things the kids like for us to do as a family. He is going to hate Kennywood day. He'll just have to deal with it. Then after the movie we went to Walmart and to the auto parts store to get things to fix up Amanda's new tricycle that I bought on my way home from the grocery store. It isn't perfect but it will make her so happy. I am so excited about it! Well, off to Kennywood!

Ahhhhh! Sleep! (at last)

It feels so good to have slept until 8:30 this morning. Even though I was rudely awakened by a cramp in my leg. John was trying to rub it but he was getting entirely the wrong part of my leg. I know I was screaming but it was hurting! It is still aching. Yikes! We went to bed at 10:30 last night. I was so tired last night I could hardly hold my eyes open. I had a nice chat with Kim on IM last night that I wouldn't have traded for the world though. And Kim, if you read this.....I meant what I said about wanting to come and eat all your food! I wanted to make it into my chatroom last night but was just too tired. John has been really tired too lately. He works so hard in this heat. There is no a/c in that big old barge factory. Poor thing roasts in there while handling those huge sheets of steel. "The Pervert" at John's work nearly got someone hurt again. He is going to get someone hurt eventually. If he wants to live it better not be my John. The dipshit tried to lift over 6 tons of weight with a crane designed to lift 500 pounds with one chain that is designed for 300 pounds. Needless to say the chain snapped and the hook went flying. Thank God it didn't hit anyone. This "pervert" (he walks up to things and humps them) has done dangerous things on several occassions. He needs to be fired for the safety of everyone there. OK. Now that I have got that off my chest! Today's plans are that I go to the grocery store some time this morning. Then we have a nice little lunch at home. Later we are taking Maurice and going to Fort Necessity, Jumonville and maybe Washington's Tavern. Those are all in the mountain. Glad I got my brakes fixed Thursday. I sure wouldn't want to come down off a mountain with bad brakes. I guess from what Dad told me my brake shoe broke and dug into the rotor. I knew I should have had more brake than I had. I could feel the loss of brake and I heard the grinding on the rotor. I took it straight home but I knew that I would need a new rotor after hearing the grinding. More money I don't have GONE! So, off to the mountain for a day of history. I don't know if I will make it online tomorrow at all. We are going to Kennywood Park from opening to closing. Should be a fun day.

Gahhhhhhhhh! It isn't morning already, is it?

This was almost the morning that alarm clock got smashed to bits! We got home from the fair last night after 11:00. Then we had to get Amanda to bed. Jenny disappeared immediately to bed. I forgot to put the coffee on for morning last night. So, now I have to wait on it to be ready. I hate when my coffee isn't just sitting there waiting for me when I get out of bed. And 5:30 comes way too early. They should move it back by at least a good 3 or 4 more hours. I would love to try sleeping until noon just one day in my life. Anyway......I could probably go on all morning about how tired I am and how morning comes too fast. Who wants to listen to me moan about the need for sleep though. At least it is Friday. John is off tomorrow. We can probably get away with sleeping until 8:30 or even 9! So, how was the fair, right? We had a great time. I got to the fairgrounds around 3. Saw my Dad as soon as I got there in the parking lot. He came over and helped me get Amanda out of the van. I went with him and met up with Mom and Maurice. (John's cousin from Wales.) They were in the agriculture building. Had a look around at the entries. My nephew, Taylor had entered a few things. He won 4 ribbons for his entries. He entered a box of my mother's eggs. They won the blue ribbon and were definately by far the nicest eggs there. He won ribbons for potatoes, green beans and tomatoes as well. He is always so proud of his ribbons. Mom, Dad and Maurice took Amanda and left Jenny and I behind in the Art building. I love to look at the artwork. There were so many talented entries. The favorite in the youth category was a pencil drawing of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack. My favorite in the senior category was an acrylic of a grandmother holding a baby. So Jenny and I had a little freedom! Amanda was off with the older folks. We walked around and looked at all the displays. I ran into a couple of people from high school. It was nice to see them. They were always nice people. Got hugs off of Dennis who had a locker next to mine. I have run into him occassionally over the years. He has never forgotten that I helped his mother care for him after his nearly fatal motorcycle accident. How many times did I sit and hold his hand when he was afraid? He lost short term memory for quite a while and had horrible flashbacks and thought he was dead a lot of the time. He remembered me most of the time and would calm down to having his hand held. So good to see him walking around with a smile on his face. Then we met up with the gang to watch Taylor in the tractor pull. He came in second. Only lost by a matter of inches. He managed to pedal that little tractor with 70 pounds of weight on it! Strong little guy! John met up with me for supper. Amanda had gone and eaten with the rest of the gang but Jenny and I waited for John to get there after work. My belly contained popcorn, hot sausage sandwich, beef jerky, fudge dippin' dots (sugar free of course) and a funnel cake without the sugar by the end of the night. Found the rest of the gang standing over a pregnant cow making bets on if she would deliver by the end of the fair. Snuck water in to a bunny that had spilled his water bowl. Went over and had a look at the draft horses. Magnificent beasts! They are so huge. As usual I found one that particularly liked being talked to. I really don't care who thinks I am strange for talking to the horses. Then I bought 6 raffle tickets on a Belgian colt. His name is Doc and he is a beautiful baby. I refrain from calling him little. I don't think Belgians are ever little. Then we went to the bull riding. It started to rain. The rain didn't last long but just long enough to cool it down. Found one of the barrel racing girls vomiting in the bathroom. Asked her if she needed help. She said she had been in a car accident and has been vomiting since. I told her to see a doctor. She said she would go to the hospital after the show. She went to her trailor to lay down. She didn't manage her ride. There were 3 injuries from the bulls. Two required ambulances. One was the rodeo clown. He didn't get injured badly. He got himself between the injured cowboy on the ground and the bull. He probably saved that cowboy from a goring. I sure wouldn't be brave enough to be a rodeo clown. It looked to me like he got a head to leg from the bull but not the horns. That cowboy laid on the ground for quite some time, but got up and walked off the field. The other one walked away from the bull but sunk to his knees twice walking off. He got hit in the chest. They wear a protective vest but they can still get hurt pretty bad. Most all of them walk with limps. I think they are crazy to get on a bull. I do like to watch the bull ride though. I get pretty excited when it looks like they are going to stay on a full 8 seconds. I'd be flying through the air in less than 1. We had a pretty good night and came home exhausted. Gee this is long. I am going back to bed!

Up again before the sun.

I've been up now since 5:30. One of these mornings I am going to smash that alarm clock to little itty bitty pieces! Woke up at 3 this morning with a horrible, nauseating headache on one side of my head. Knew right then I was on the beginning end of a migraine. I woke John up to go with me downstairs to get some ibuprofen and go to the bathroom. After that passing out incident on Friday night I don't get up alone. When we got back in bed my head was hurting worse and my stomach was very upset. I asked John to get the peppermint oil out. We keep it next to the bed. So he got that out and rubbed it on my head. He hadn't even finished putting it on my head when I felt my forehead getting warm. As usual, when I have a bad headache the smell of peppermint became very strong. It seems the worse the headache the hotter the oil becomes and the stronger the scent. So the bedroom smelled an awful lot like Christmas. It was only a matter of less than five minutes until enough pain had left me to allow me to fall back to sleep. John held me close and I cleared his nasal passages with the strong peppermint smell arising from my head. At 5:30 when the alarm went off I was extremely tired, but........NO HEADACHE! I don't know how that peppermint oil works but it certainly does the trick for me. I was extremely worried about developing a headache today. I have a busy one ahead. This morning I have to take Amanda to the dentist for a cleaning. Actually now it will be my mom taking the both of us. My Dad has my van to put new brake pads and rotors on it. It started making a horrid groan on my way home from town yesterday. I only drove it home but that 14 miles through construction did the rotors no favors. This afternoon we are having our one day at the county fair. I used to go every day, but they raised the prices so much that we can only afford the one day. It used to be $3 to get in. Now it has gone up to $9. So with 4 of us we don't go as often. They made more money off of us when the admission was $3. The kids were under 12 then so they were free. Kids over 6 pay full price now too. But when the prices were lower we went every day. We went early and stayed late. We ate all our meals there and we bought things. Now we wait until after lunch so we only have to buy one meal. And we only do the things that are included in the admission price. They have included more events in the admission price though. It makes a really nice day though. It is usually hotter than hell, but for that day we tolerate the heat and enjoy the fair. Amanda can't wait to see the chickens with the fancy feathers and the draft horses. Jenny is going to go MIA in the carnival. I am looking forward to some major junk food and all the free pens , notepads, keychains, etc that I can pick up. John won't join us until later for the bull riding. We thought we would surprise him by entering him! LOL---No, we would never really do that, but the look on his face would be something! Taylor, my nephew is in the kid's tractor pull event today. It is where they keep loading more weight to the back of a pedal tractor. The child that can get that tractor to go the farthest without taking thier feet of the pedals while carrying the most weight wins. He was a runner up last year. He pulled 50 lbs of weight. He won a pedal tractor race the other day. He lives for the fair. So I expect to come home tonight sweaty, dirty, tired, sunburned and happy. (and full of junk food) I hope they have the mechanical bull at the fair this year too. Amanda likes to ride that. And the operators just love it when she does. They really razz all the men standing there watching that are afraid to get on it. Every year she rides it you can hear them say, "Look at all you chicken men out there afraid to get on the bull. Here's a handicapped little girl with more guts than you. You should be ashamed of your big chicken selves." Of course the bull doesn't buck very hard for her, but she does it with one hand in the air like a real bull rider. My brave little girl. You wouldn't catch me dead on the mechanical bull. I'll just stand by the chickenshit big men out there and watch. Well I am off to get ready for this big day. Hope we don't have too much trouble finding Miss Jenny today. She will probably be off running from ride to ride. God those fair rides scare me. I just don't watch her go on them and say prayers. I put her in God's hands and go about doing other things. I am so glad she is old enough to run around on her own now. When she was younger I was a nervous wreck. I much prefer stationary parks to mobile carnivals. Well, on with the day!

Amanda

Well, the doctor called. Amanda does not have diabetes. She does have ANOTHER urinary tract infection. She is being referred to Children's Hospital to see a urologist to find out why she is getting so many of them. On another note, I was able to get a 2 hour nap in this morning. My mother just phoned and said she is on her way here. So, I guess this post will be short and sweet and to the point! Ha!

Up all night, no sleep all day.

Well, here I am sitting at the computer in the wee hours of the morning. I was having more tooth pain. I took some ibuprofen and the pain has subsided, for now. I am really stressed out over this tooth. I went back to bed but I was only keeping John awake. So I came back downstairs. With no dental insurance my mind is just racing with trying to figure out how I am going to manage to pay a dentist, pay the bills and keep food on the table. I feel like there is no real possibility of managing it all. Called 1-800-DENTIST while I am up. Seems they have located a dentist that will help me although it is a 45 mile drive each way. I hope the cost is not too terrible. Also worrying like hell about Amanda. Doctor called today and said that there was some sugar in her urine. So we went off to the hospital for urine and blood work. If those come back bad then we have to go for a glucose tolerance test at Children's. I am blaming myself totally for this. She is overweight and has my genes. A long line of diabetes. Diabetes everywhere. Me, Mom, Dad, Matthew, Grandma and a lot of more distant relatives. It sure is easier just to say who doesn't have it than to list who does. Worry about my Jenny too. She keeps to herself far too much. She is a laugh and a half when she comes out of her little nest. I worry about her self esteem. It takes her forever to warm up to other kids her age. She prefers books, computers and video games to other kids. She is such a beautiful girl. I just wish she would open up. My mother harps on it not being good that she wants to stay in her room. It just brings me down and slams me right in the ole heart. And now that I am on Mom, she has a way of always saying what I need to do differently concerning Amanda's medical treatment. I do the best I can. I have made the decisions I have made based on the recommendations of her doctors. I feel like she never sees me as a good mother. Hell. It makes me feel like I am a horrible mother. I feel like a horrible wife and mother no matter how I look at it. John is such a sweet and kind person. He is always there for me no matter what. He would give me anything he could. I have never experienced anyone who wanted so much to make me happy. I don't deserve the angel I have in him. I so don't deserve him. I have always experienced men who just got sick of me and ran like the wind. Now I have this wonderful man who clings to me like nothing I have ever known. I am so afraid I will do something to send him away too. Gee, even my insecurity should send anyone running. OK. So, now I am sitting here crying, thinking about how much love I have for him. Thinking about how much I can see he loves me. I wish he could see into my heart and know how much I love him and value everything he does for me and every second I get to spend with him. Nothing in this world means more to me than these 3 people. My wonderful family. And in times like this when I am down and worried I worry most about them. I want to do everything I can to make them happy. I guess this is a pretty depressing post for the very first one. I guess you'll have that sometimes. I really don't expect them all to be this depressing. They will go up and down, I suppose. The ups and downs of my little life in my little tiny place in this world.